Machete Kills, Good reason not to play with knives
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mrtape
Posted: 11 October 2013 - 12:41 PM                                    
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Machete Kills / Rated R for violence, language, and miscellaneous stupidity.
Not having seen the first Machete (2010) and only knowing the character from a preview attached to Grindhouse (2007) my hopes were that Machete Kills would be as epic as I had heard the first film was. Or is. When I approached the Multiplex on opening day I was surprised to find a group of 8 to 12 year old children running riot in front of the box office. In exchange for a Cinnamon Altoid one of them told me what was going on. They were all members of the Junior Machete Club. JMC for short. As they all were. All wore black leather studded Machete Jr. vests and brandished foam rubber machetes. They were big fans of Machete having seen the DVD hundreds of times at home. Only when they reached the theater complex did they find out the R rating didn’t mean Really Rad and actually wouldn’t allow them into the movie. I asked about their parents, surprised that they were allowed to watch the DVD and why an adult didn’t accompany them to the picture. Seems all their parents were incarcerated for various “alleged” acts of extreme violence for which they were caught red handed. The only reason they were in jail was because of incompetent legal representation and bias in the justice system. Their elderly grandparents, whom they were all living with, declined to see the film.
The movie itself, unseen by the club members, is somewhat of a hoot. Director Robert Rodriguez has directed a slapstick style violent film of epic proportions. The movie plays out as a broad farce of the James Bond films. While not quite as smooth as JB Machete has his own style of scowling and killing. The movie is a lot like the Austin Powers series except with lots of decapitations and bloodletting. The cast includes Danny Trejo as the Mexican Superman. Danny T. is no Brad Pitt pretty boy. DT actually looks like a 17 car freeway pile up took place on his kisser. DT has numerous reasons to look this way. His checkered pass (Google or Wikipedia him) and the fact he will turn 70 next year are just a few contributors. He has really turned his life around and deserves a complimentary Life Style Lift.
Mel Gibson plays the evil bad guy. The assassin El/La Chameleon is acted out at various times by Walton Goggins, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding, Jr. and Lady Gaga. Amber Heard plays Miss San Antonio while Sofia Vergara (TV mom on Modern Family) is Desdemona. The President of the USofA is brilliantly portrayed by Charlie Sheen. He almost seems like 2 and a half Presidents.
I enjoyed this film a lot. But, big, big warning. The violence is present very violently in virtually every scene. If you don’t heed this warning you have no one but yourself to blame.
This is also the first film, as far as I know, in history in which it’s own sequel is previewed before the main movie begins.
The kids were still out front when I left. I gave them a big thumbs up and one of them tried to cut it off with his foam rubber machete.
Rated 2.9 out of 4.0 reasons to stay in school. Mama’s don’t let your kids grow up to be Junior Machete Club Members. Cowboys would be better.



 
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MacGyverGod
Posted: 21 October 2013 - 01:34 PM                                    
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Saw this past weekend. Though I was a little tense from real life events that happened recently so the violence didn't bother me much, but I didn't quite enjoyed it either as usual with these kinds of flicks. I don't mean that the movie sucked. It's my kinda movie.

I do have to say I've experienced something alike mrtape. Okay, it was a Saturday and I took the last showing that night which was way too early in my opinion. The 9:30 showing. But when I took my seat I also noticed two kids in the row in front of me without parents. I think they were like 14 years old. I was going like: 'Really?'

The movie rating here for Machete is for 12 years. We've got three ratings here now. For all ages, for 12 years old and 16 years old. Plenty of R-rated movies that are for all ages here or 12 years old. If Machete was a complete horrorfilm it would've gotten the 16 year old rating. But it's an raw violent actionfilm so it belongs in that action genre for 12 years old.

Anyway, I don't care for those kids but I was surprised though because usually when I go to the movies there are no kids in sight and I always take the late showing, mostly to avoid crowds.



I think the poison that was used was applied to this knife, passed to the mutton when it was cut and then activated by the wine. - MacGyver.
Sometimes you just have to die a little inside to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you.
It's better to be a little sad than to be fake content.

 
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mrtape
Posted: 11 November 2013 - 06:17 PM                                    
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Would love to see the airline edited version of this film. Should only be about 8 minutes long.



 
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