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MacNymph |
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Phoenix Special Agent
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This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.
He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.
Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.
Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.
So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"
"Er.. about two minutes ago."
~ MacNymph ~
Sometimes the uncontrollable urge to mess with people outweighs the millstone of humility.
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Mac |
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QUOTE (MacNymph @ 1 June 2007 - 07:39 PM) | *takes bow* |
You and I would get along juuuuuust fine. Two blondes meet in Heaven. “How did you die?”, the first one asks. ”Oh! I died in a freezer,” the second blonde replied.” So how did you die?” The second blonde asks, “Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman,” replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, “If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!” Mac
"John Sheppard (writer) sent Richard Dean Anderson to Atlantis on MacGyver and Richard Dean Anderson sent John Sheppard (character) to Atlantis on Stargate. My fandoms are getting to be confusing."
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MacGyverGod |
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Director of Intelligence
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QUOTE | Two blondes meet in Heaven.
“How did you die?”, the first one asks. ”Oh! I died in a freezer,” the second blonde replied.” So how did you die?” The second blonde asks, “Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman,” replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, “If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!”
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That's a good one.
I think the poison that was used was applied to this knife, passed to the mutton when it was cut and then activated by the wine. - MacGyver. Sometimes you just have to die a little inside to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you. It's better to be a little sad than to be fake content.
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Sheepy |
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Well, maybe my English sucks, but I got it.
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Sheepy |
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I judt got nack from a night out. Caz Dance Tour was in town tonight and I had such a great time. /Ferry Corsten is so cute. I met him in real life and when he smiles he gets these dimples in his cheeks. Next to that he's a brilliant DJ. Anyaway I'm s little tipsy to respond to the joke of Sluggie, so I will try tomorrow morning (Iactually spelled "dipsy" and "Dluggie" but I noticed in time) Goodnight to all!!
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What the h...???? this dancinf muppet keeps showing up while I'm not even "asking" for it???
Btw, I'm not sure I'm gettinfg your joke Sluggie (what makes it even more funny in my state of.... well, ... being -Don't block me, I'm no MEP, just had a few beers, that's all!!!!)
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MacGirl |
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OK, one of my favorite jokes:
Seems a rich man died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Now, you can't just waltz into Heaven; you have to review your life to the angel standing there while St. Peter listens, and then St. Peter renders judgement on whether you can enter Heaven.
So the angel looked up the man in his book and says, "Why, you never did no good for nobody nohow... why are you even standing here?"
The man said, "Now, wait a minute, I've given to charity. Twenty years ago, I was walking down the street, saw a homeless man, and gave him a quarter."
The angel said, "Well, that's nice, but that alone won't cut it."
The man answered, "Well, ten years ago, I was riding along in my limo, when I saw a poor woman holding a sign on the corner, and I rolled down my window and gave her a quarter."
The angel said, "Maybe so, but that doesn't make up for a lifetime of greed."
"But don't you see," the man pleaded, "I have a consistent record here. Just last Christmas Eve, I came out of church, and, filled with the Christmas spirit, I walked across the street and put a quarter in the Salvation Army kettle."
At this point, the angel threw up his hands, turned to St. Peter, and said, "What in God's name are we going to do with this man?"
St. Peter scowled and said in his thunderous voice, "Give him back his seventy-five cents and tell him to go to hell."
Do not pity the dead. Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
You don't eat things like that, you call pest control! Kate in The Gauntlet
What's that? Lateral... cranial... impact... enhancer. *whack* Last Stand
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Mac |
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DXS Agent
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QUOTE (MacGirl @ 3 June 2007 - 07:33 PM) | St. Peter scowled and said in his thunderous voice, "Give him back his seventy-five cents and tell him to go to hell." |
Anyone else have more BAAAAAD jokes? Mac * Why were the suspenders arrested? * For holding up a pair of pants.
"John Sheppard (writer) sent Richard Dean Anderson to Atlantis on MacGyver and Richard Dean Anderson sent John Sheppard (character) to Atlantis on Stargate. My fandoms are getting to be confusing."
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