[MacDriver]

So, I will spare everyone a novel-length post like I sometimes accidentally crank out, just looking for input from anyone who has been in a similar place.

First of all, I'm 22, should be wrapping up college soon, but I'm not even close. I started dating a girl 6 months into college and I made the mistake of entertaining marriage pretty early in the relationship This isn't really the problem, I'm trying to sort out that relationship, but it definitely played a role in landing me in this spot (my own doing, of course). So I actually took some time off here and there to make efforts toward getting engaged and things never worked out, plus we started to have our differences and I really lost the desire after reality set in. Plus, I have MacGyver-grade commitment reservations

Over the course of following her to school in another state (not really wanting to be there) and dealing with lots of philosophical challenges along the way as well, I started staying up really late trying to sort out what careers I might be cut out for, and things like that. So to cut to the chase my life is a wreck and I need a place to start. I can't fall asleep at normal times anymore, so I wake up at noon feeling like my life is a mess already. Then I still have to sort out quite a bit of my identity (career choice, belief system) and whether I want to "settle down" this soon in my life. I've kept telling myself I'll figure it all out someday but I am slowly realizing my life is slipping through my fingers. I could say to heck with school until I know what I want to be there for (I was class valedictorian in high school and now I'm getting awful grades in college).

I often tell my girlfriend Mac may have had but one adverse effect on my life- I really picture myself traveling all over and being "the guy they call when they need the best." Heck, my career counselor said that is my personality (ENTP). Unfortunately, my fantasies of grandeur really aren't grounded in reality I've made some permanent life choices (like $40k+ in student debt) that rule out the whole rock star/adventurer dreams that I now realize subconsciously rule my ideas about the future.

Anyway, enough from me, I'm sure this is enough info to give a pretty good idea of my situation.

[MacGyverOnline]

Seems like your putting too much pressure on yourself. Your only 22. There's no rule book that says you have to complete college by the time your 22, or be married by a set date, or anything else.

My suggestion would be to do what's right for YOU rather than whats right for others.

Ditch the wedding idea for now. Talk to your girlfriend and explain whats going on in your head. If she loves you and is the right one for you she'll understand and support you.

It really sounds like you don't even want to be in college at the moment. So if that's right, quit for a while. You can go back to it later IF you want to.

Ultimately you need to be honest with yourself and decide what YOU want to do in the here and now, instead of trying to plan your whole life out.

Non of these questions actually need to be sorted out right now, so relax, stop pressuring yourself and take some YOU time to do what YOU want.

[MacGyverGod]

'Sounds like pretty good advice.'

Take one step at a time in life, especially if you're thinking about getting married after only six months in a relationship. I was never pro early weddings in life. Or having kids for that matter either. Right now I'd only see disadvantage in that. If you remain unmarried and you get tired in the end of each other all you have to is leave without paying a lawyer or have court meetings. Same goes for children.

Perhaps said a bit harshly, but that's how I see it.

You know, I'm 23, still living at home, with a job 10 km where I live going there with a bus for the past two years now almost. Planning on how I would do it for the rest of my life. Right now, I slowly am beginning to understand that a car is of essence to have first. But that means studying out of a darned book again, something I swore never to do again, after I graduated from school. I already went to see a couple of little studio's to live in. The last one, was actually pretty good, but I backed out in the end. Renting is a no-no, because the money you pay for rent is actually lost money. Then you're better of buying. But because of domestic issues, I banned the idea of moving any time soon. For the past few weeks I haven't exactly thought of my future anymore. I think it's best to wait down and see how things are coming.

For you I'd say it's best to hit the road and do some soulsearching and figure out who you are and what you stand for and why. If you can do that I'd say you're one step further.

[MacDriver]

Thanks guys- and yeah I know I am putting the pressure on myself a little hard and allowing others to influence my self view a little too much. I suppose it really does boil down to what I want to do, and you're absolutely right Rocky, I'd rather not be in school at all. It's just fear- what if I never make very much money, what if I drop out of school and can't pay my giant student loans, etc.

It's been 3 1/2 years with that girl now, by the way, so while she was antsy at first, now I am starting to realize we will not have a life together for years if we stay living at home for 2-3 more years.

[MacBeth]

Do your girlfriend a favour and put the whole marriage idea aside for at least five years. You're nowhere near ready. People are getting married much later in life these days; and, although it hasn't been covered much, the divorce rate is dropping. These facts are not unrelated. So give yourself, and your girlfriend, a chance to be something other than another bad statistic.

Take a year off from college and work -- more than a year, if it suits. Spend some time in the real world. Take whatever work you can get -- you can learn from that more about, first, what you want, second, what's possible in the real world, and third, where you can find your place between those two. Right now, you've narrowed your choices way down; nothing but your own work will expand them.

Spend less than you earn right from the start, and either save or start paying down your debt. $40k in debt isn't a life sentence, and at 22 you're barely started.

You're going to have to apply self-discipline and train yourself to live a normal schedule, unless you find work that happens to fit the hours you keep now. The self-discipline will pay off, big time -- but you're the only one who can make it happen.

My sister was in a similar position to you at one point, except that the school she'd burned out from was a fabulously elite East Coast university. She took three years off on hiatus. She's now a lawyer, married to an engineer, and has found her niche quite nicely. And she was eventually able to pay off her student loans. It just took time.

[Traveller]

I agree with the others.
Don't pin yourself down right now. The world is so big, there is so much to see and discover. Therefore I would advise you: try to travel if you can (no surprise there, huh, coming from someone with a name like mine). Travelling is a wonderful way to learn. It's a great way to broaden your horizon. Meeting other people, in other cultures, will change your view on things. When you see more of the world you realize that the place you are living now is just a tiny part of a much bigger universe, so you get to put your own life in perspective.
Being in other environments can also help you find out what you really want, because you get to see many things that you haven't seen before, and they may inspire you.
It's all out there, all you have to do is go and find out. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money, you can work to pay for your expenses. I know, I've done it, heck, I'm still doing it and it's a wonderful way of discovering the world, making new friends, seeing new things and finding out more about yourself.
Travel is a key to many doors, grasshopper.

You are still so young, the whole wide world is there for you to discover. And you don't have to go to the other side of the world. Another state, another town that you haven't been in before can give you new ideas and new courage en lust for life. And if I can help you in any way, don't hesitate to ask.

Go for it, MacDriver!!