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DXS Agent
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Episode:Bitter Harvest
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QUOTE (MacNymph @ 4 June 2007 - 12:20 PM) | I can clearly see your nuts." |
There has got to be more of us with bad jokes! A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Newfie were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you! We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you and then use your skins to make a canoe! The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I will take ze sword!" The chief gives him a sword and the Frenchman yells, "Viva la France!" He then runs himself through. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please!" The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out! The Newfie says, "Give me a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Newfie takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the chest, everywhere! The Newfie has blood gushing out all over! The chief is shocked. He asks the Newfie, "What are you doing?!" The Newfie replies, "So much for your canoe!" Mac (feel free to substitute any abused minority of your choice for the Newfie)
"John Sheppard (writer) sent Richard Dean Anderson to Atlantis on MacGyver and Richard Dean Anderson sent John Sheppard (character) to Atlantis on Stargate. My fandoms are getting to be confusing."
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Sheepy |
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Two dumb blondes are standing on opposite sides of a street. "Excuse me," shouts one blonde to the other, "can you tell me how to get to the other side of this street?" The other yells back: "Why, you're already there?!"
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What's Mary short for? She's got no legs.
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MacNymph |
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Phoenix Special Agent
Posts: 3,348
Joined: 3 Jul 2005
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Season: season 3
Episode:Rock The Cradle (today)
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You recovered Sheepy? _______________ A woman walks into a shop that sells expensive Persian Rugs. Looking around, she spots the perfect rug, walks over and inspects it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her 'little accident' and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is."
~ MacNymph ~
Sometimes the uncontrollable urge to mess with people outweighs the millstone of humility.
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QUOTE (MacNymph @ 4 June 2007 - 07:51 PM) | You recovered Sheepy?
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Well... I over-acted a little. In my state it was funny (I wasn't drunk, I had to work early) But erm... I guess that was a really bad "joke" from my side....
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In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.
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Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies
(Now that one is BAAAAAAD)
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While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you idiot, it's Tony Blair!"
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Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
*Beware, wild sheep on the loose*
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