I climbed up the door
Opened the stairs
I said my pajamas
And put on my prayers
I switched off the bed
And climbed in the light
All because he kissed me goodnight.

Lothy got discomboobellated!

I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken.

No thanks I'll pinch them out.

OMG!! EWWWWWWWWWW!

(This thread is getting to be sooooooooooooooooo disgusting. )

My second favourite joke:

What happened when Batman and Robin got run over by the Batmobile?

w
a
i
t

f
o
r

i
t

They became Flatman and Ribbon!

Mac

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off" "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well,", replied the pirate, "we were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well,", said the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."

My third favourite joke!!!

Mac

Including this post, I have 177 posts left till I make DXS Operative! It's a good thing I'm extremely chatty!

400 posts or bust!

Mac

My third favourite joke!!!

That's funny in and of itself!

Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face. The other man asked, " Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, " I came here for blood test."
The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"
The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"
Then the second guy replied, "I have come for my urine test."

I'm going shopping for a new SAK this weekend. No idea what model I'm going to get. Everyone, quick, try to convince me to get the model you have!

Mac

Uh.... get the Climber.

Why?

Mac
not a climber

Why not?

I'm assuming you're not a Tinker either.

I'd consider myself something of a Tinker in the Irish sense, in that I have nomadic tendencies.

Mac

Well, there you have it. Get the Tinker.

But it has a few tools that I don't use, so I'm investigating other models. I guess I'll just do like the last time and spend an hour or two at the shop opening all the attachments on all the models.

I am seriously considering a USB knife, though.

My to do list for this weekend is mostly at home stuff, but at the top of my 'stuff to shop for' are the SAK and... duct tape. You know you're a MacGyver addict when...

Mac

Theres pictures of the SAKs with all the blades opened out in our Store. Might be give you some idea of what your after before you get to your local store.

Or you could just purchase online without even leaving your house.

There are some things I absolutely need to touch before I buy. One of the considerations with a SAK is its weight. I once hit someone in the head (by accident!) with my purse and their forehead collided with the SAK (a bigger model than the Super Tinker) inside. He cried.

Mac

Oh, and there's also the cost of shipping and our exhorbitant customs charges.

Mac

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either.

Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of 'em torturing this chick.

Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me.

So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?"

"Er.. about two minutes ago."

Thats terrible

*takes bow*

You and I would get along juuuuuust fine.



Two blondes meet in Heaven.

“How did you die?”, the first one asks.
”Oh! I died in a freezer,” the second blonde replied.” So how did you die?”
The second blonde asks, “Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman,” replied the first blonde.
The second blonde then says, “If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive!”

Mac

That's a good one.

Okay, I also will try one though I don't know whether it translates right. Here we go:

A woman bought a wardrobe for her sleeping room. But every time when the tram/trolley/streetcar/cable car (whatever you call it) came down the street the wardrobe fell to its pieces.

Finally she let come someone from the furniture shop. He said "I can't see it from outside, I have to step into the wardrobe to see where exactly it fells apart when the next tram comes." So he stepped into the wardrobe.

In the meantime, the women's husband came home and found the man in the wardrobe. "What are you doing in here?"

"You won't believe me, but I'm waiting for the tram!"

I'm guessing that didn't translate well.

Sure you won't understand the last line when you go everywhere by your own car

Well, maybe my English sucks, but I got it.

Um... maybe it did translate okay and I was just looking for a more deviant punchline.