[The True MacGyver]

Chapter 5: Back to Business
Through a little research, Mac found that he was about a hundred miles from the city Karen was situated in. He found a truck heading the same direction and he hitched a ride to the alpine town. After a few hours of jostling about the chicken filled cargo hold, Mac hopped off the truck and waved goodbye. He looked at the city. The deceivingly innocent town of Vrin rested in the shadow of the Alps. Steeples and rooftops protruded from the depths of the city. Mac clambered over the snow and stepped into the sleepy town. He pulled the picture of Karen that Pete gave him. She was a beautiful girl. Her long, auburn hair framed her thin face. She had striking blue eyes. MacGyver looked down the street. If I were a Swedish mafia man, were would I be? He thought. He looked straight ahead to see a fortress-like castle. I’d be living in a castle he continued. He stuffed the photo in his inside jacket pocket and strolled down the sidewalk. His boots clacked along the boarded walk as he eyed the quaint city. A church stood majestically across the street. It was in disrepair. The paint was stripping off and the building seemed structurally unsound. Mac looked back at the shops. People were bustling about inside. A few cars passed by. It was a ‘perfect’ little town. But it hid a secret. He continued, passing other people. They didn’t even look at him. Mac finally reached the castle. Two high gates strived to keep him out and Karen in. He shook the iron to no avail. He stepped back and looked at the concrete wall covering the rest of the perimeter. He walked around the edge of the grounds. To the right of the building he found a snow-filled depression in the mountain behind the manor. Mac looked at it with a suspicious eye. He dug his hand as far as he could into it only to feel air on the far side. Mac started to use his hands to shovel out the tunnel. A small hole opened up. Mac glanced back for any onlookers and slid inside. Rolling on the landing, he stood up and cautiously entered the cave. The tunnel was carved out on purpose. It turned to the right and started on a decline. He tried to quiet the echoing clatter of his shoes. But he came to a wooden paneled wall. He put his hand on it and shoved. The square fell forward, sending up dust from the floor. The cave opened up into a barely used lounge. Plush red couches rested next to a mahogany table. A fully stocked bar sat along one wall. He could probably tell each bottle’s year by the layer of dust. The room was lowly illuminated by a boring ceiling lamp. Must’ve been an escape route he thought. But he heard voices approach the far door. The handle twisted.

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[ghostdoll]

Suggestion:

Chapter 5: Back to Business

Through a little research, Mac found that he was about a hundred miles from the city Karen was situated in. He found a truck heading the same direction and he hitched a ride to the alpine town. After a few hours of jostling about the chicken filled cargo hold, Mac hopped off the truck and waved goodbye.

He looked at the city. The deceivingly innocent town of Vrin rested in the shadow of the Alps. Steeples and rooftops protruded from the depths of the city. Mac clambered over the snow and stepped into the sleepy town.

He pulled the picture of Karen that Pete gave him. She was a beautiful girl. Her long, auburn hair framed her thin face. She had striking blue eyes. MacGyver looked down the street.

If I were a Swedish mafia man, were would I be? he asked himself.

He looked straight ahead to see a fortress-like castle.

I’d be living in a castle, he continued.

He stuffed the photo in his inside jacket pocket and strolled down the sidewalk. His boots clacked along the boarded walk as he eyed the quaint city. A church stood majestically across the street. It was in disrepair. The paint was stripping off and the building seemed structurally unsound.

Mac looked back at the shops. People were bustling about inside. A few cars passed by. It was a ‘perfect’ little town. But it hid a secret. He continued, passing other people. They didn’t even look at him.

Mac finally reached the castle. Two high gates strived to keep him out and Karen in. He shook the iron to no avail. He stepped back and looked at the concrete wall covering the rest of the perimeter. He walked around the edge of the grounds. To the right of the building he found a snow-filled depression in the mountain behind the manor.

Mac looked at it with a suspicious eye. He dug his hand as far as he could into it only to feel air on the far side. Mac started to use his hands to shovel out the tunnel. A small hole opened up.

Mac glanced back for any onlookers and slid inside. Rolling on the landing, he stood up and cautiously entered the cave. The tunnel was carved out on purpose. It turned to the right and started on a decline. He tried to quiet the echoing clatter of his shoes. When he came to a wooden paneled wall, he put his hand against it and shoved. The square fell forward, sending up dust from the floor.

The cave opened up into a barely used lounge. Plush red couches rested next to a mahogany table. A fully stocked bar sat along one wall. He could probably tell each bottle’s year by the layer of dust. The room was lowly illuminated by a boring ceiling lamp.

Must’ve been an escape route, he thought.

But he heard voices approach the far door. The handle twisted.

~~~
Perhaps I should stop apologizing or just make a whole post begging for forgiveness I think this story is very good. All it needs is a few grammar modifications, but then again, that's just me. In reality the story is VERY good and all I'm doing is just superficial plastic surgery. True, I hope you're not furious at me for all the liberties I have taken with your stories.