Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"

Groan

The nurse to the doctor: "The malingerer from room 17 has died yesterday."

"Well, now he is exaggerating!"

Another I just don't get. Somebody 'splain me!!

I give up *throws hands up in despair*

Malingerer? The doctor thought he only was malingering? But he died, so apparently he wasn't...

My dictionary says malingerer, anyway. If there is another word - I'm happy to learn! *hides again*

I'm sorry Astra! I'm not trying to be difficult. (in this particular instance)


I know a lot of words and I had to look that word up. I'm thinking either it should be replaced with hypochondriac, or exaggerating should be replaced with faking. Or both.

Loth... weigh in please. Help us!

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes" the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

Now now, my childrens... words are a gift from the gods

.... but then again, so was fire...

A person who fakes an illness can be said to be a hypochondriac, so just substitute that word for 'malingerer'.

We Americans would recognize this word more easily that malingerer. In our syllabus, a malingerer is a general time-waster or an idler. The word works in your joke, but it just makes us Americans scratch our heads and think, which is sometimes difficult for us!

Don't give up on us, Astra... diversity is spice!

Sign seen near church

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

*scratches head* Huh?

Yeah, Astra, don't give up. I like scratching my head... keeps the nits on their toes.

I don't eat sausage anymore... not since this commercial:

The eggs are from a chicken...

The milk is from a cow...

The sausage is from Jimmy Dean.

An ad for St. Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

Well, I beg to differ. I think a hypochondriac does not fake on purpose but instead really feels ill and maybe even might have symptoms you just can't place. He doesn't believe if you tell him he is in good health. He only needs to read about a new illness and then thinks he has it.

But a malingerer is faking on purpose, maybe for getting a day off from work or school. At least that's my opinion.

So you can say "overacting" instead of "exaggerating", maybe that would be better?

Sign seen near church

"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."

Yes! But 95% of us are still going to have to look up malingererererer.

Just wanted to post a pic of my second fav weather type.
I'm always intrigued by thunderstorms and lightning...

So did I - we're even, then


(And I feel like talking as Teal'c does )

Indeed?

Your second favorite?

I can see the beauty of it - as long as it's in pictures others have made.
I hate lightning, it scares me

BUT...

there have come some good things out of thunderstorms...

My firstborn was concieved that way.

NO, God had nothing to do with it
I just needed some comforting, and one leads to another...

Nine months later we became parents

I was about 10 years old when I was on holiday with my parents and I went to get them for a party in the canteen of the bungalow park.
It was night, about 9 pm (when you're 10 it's night)

There was an awful thunderstorm raging outside and I had to cross a little playfield when there was a flash as bright as broad daylight. Really, no exaggerating here, I could see everything!!! Lightning had struck about 20 meters away from me.
Almost at the same time this very, very VERY loud thunder came rolling after it.

Never had been that scared in my life!
After that I've had a fear of thunderstorms, but over the last few years I've become really fascinated by it. And I really love the smell of a thunderstorm hanging in the air.

I want to curl up in a room without windows, when there is a thunderstorm. But the house we live in now, there is no such room. So I'm forced to be *brave*. Lucky me, I don't have to be alone.

It is fascintaing, alright. But I prefer thunderstorms on Discovery Channel or National Geographic

My dogs do that.

Yep gotta love negative ions in the air

Go to a waterfall.. you get the same "smell"

I love natures very own sound and light show.

Yep gotta love negative ions in the air

Go to a waterfall.. you get the same "smell"

I love natures very own sound and light show.

Well I'll be, that's a pretty sight. That must've caused a massive thunderstrike. I enjoy to walk around in the house home alone in the middle of night during a thunderstorm. I always like playing the Back to the Future theme than or Sahara. Maybe that would've made the first scene more intense.
But for thunderstorms, the powers of nature, I like to stay up late. And it seems that they're increasing. I mean how can people be afraid of that? It's so fascinating. Sometimes I just wish it would strike something in the neighborhood. One of the churchtowers or something or a tree. Something where people cannot get hurt.
It's something I like to use in my stories as well, it makes things darker and more foreboding.

'I felt like in an old movie, sounds of rain and thunder, flashes of lightning and me working all alone on a top secret project.'

How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again...



__________________


Ahhhhh.. days gone by, aye Rocky?

eesh...

That brought back some memories I've been trying to repress for quite some time.


Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. One... but the light bulb has to want to change.

*groans*

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.