I think I never ever will forget the word malingerer now, and the word nincompoop (though I never heard that before either), too. Nice way to improve my English



Thanks Mac, for laughing about my jokes



Two old men were sitting at a bench in a park. A pretty young girl was passing by. One man said: "Oh, I want to be twenty again!"

The other one replied: "Are you nuts? Having to work for another forty plus years - for only ten minutes of fun?!?"

I like a good joke, what can I say.

Mac
who wouldn't want to be 20 again either...

I WIN - I WIN


















I win a promotion. This is my 200th post.

Got it... humorous... impressed with the ten minutes.

Sign seen near church

How will you spend eternity
Smoking or Non-smoking?

I just quit recently

Sign seen near church

If you're headed in the wrong direction,
God allows U-turns.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Sign seen near church

If you can't sleep, don't count sheep.
Talk to the Shepherd.

My boss just came around to introduce her new boss to all of us.

Instead of working I was no, not posting to MOL , but stripping a paperclip with my SAK to give me something with which to repair my mechanical pencil.

Just before entering my cubicle, my boss said to her boss: "This is Mac, she--" *enters and sees what I'm doing. "Erm, she fixes things."

Her boss doesn't miss a beat. "Can you come look at my printer?"

Colleague steps in: "Mac can fix a printer with a rubber band and a paperclip!"

Meanwhile, I'm sitting here not knowing if I should be laughing, crawling under my desk, or looking for a new job.

Mac

Wow, I'm impressed! No, jealous even!
That's the recognition we all would love to get someday!!!

WAUW

A real MacGyver fan, recognized by people who know her.

But that's what's so embarrassing--I'm a one trick pony! I mean, you fix the printer a few times with a paper clip and a rubber band for the SAME problem and next thing you know you can fix anything???

Oh, well, what they don't know won't hurt them.

Mac

You got the idea the first time!!!!!!!!!


What makes you think you can't get a new idea the next time there is a new problem?
You'll just fix it
Have a little confidence

Not nescessarily
I just got a bunch of those

But, hey, keep 'em coming

But that's what's so embarrassing--I'm a one trick pony! I mean, you fix the printer a few times with a paper clip and a rubber band for the SAME problem and next thing you know you can fix anything???

Oh, well, what they don't know won't hurt them.

Mac

My colleagues only make fun of me for my Mac obsession, but I don't care, I've been through worse in my life. I can handle a few pathetic boys.

I am known for improvising things in tricky situations tho.
Not as good as fixing printers with a paperclip and elastic band.

And you're absolutely right, what they don't know won't hurt them!

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And the #1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

I don't lack confidence, just finesse. I'm the kind who can fix her pipes... after setting her house on fire a couple of times.

Mac

Mac

The doctor says to the patient "I'm going to prescribe mud packs for you."

"And you think, that will help me?"

"No, but you are already getting used to the smell."




(For Nymphy: He was very, very ill)

I'm meeting one of my friends for dinner tonight at our favourite restaurant and she just emailed to tell me she'd me directly there, using the name of the restaurant. Which she spelled wrong, as she usually does, and I rebuked her, as I always do.

"Stop picking on me! It's the hardest word in the English language to spell! How come you have it memorized?!"

Our favourite restaurant's name?

The Phoenix.

She usually leaves out the o, but sometimes it's the Pheonix, the Pheenix, the Fenix, the Feenichs (no kidding), etc. I adore her.

Mac
now, if a favourite show could just teach me how to spell 'pharaoh' and life will be much easier...

Maybe she pronounces it as Foenix.

I think it's the OE that gives her the hardest time. Whatever it is, it makes me laugh.

Mac
mmm... 1.5 hours left till I sit before a plate of the best squid in town

Talking about phoenix... I'm one of the fruit cakes who will be wearing a phoenix foundation t shirt

While I'll be the one carrying her SAK and duct tape in a Phoenix Foundation tote bag.

A sales rep, an admin clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an old oil lamp. They rub it and out pops a Genie. The Genie says, "I usually grant three wishes, so I'll give you all one each."

"Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

In astonishment, "Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, and you?" the Genie asks the manager.

The manager says,"I want those two back in the office by 2pm."

Mac

(hey at least she gave them a couple of hours!)

Yeah, Yakov, I hear ya.

I'm thinking the punchline should be something closer to "No, but you need to start getting used to the smell."

Victor Reinier, the actor wit wife and mistress is getting divorced...
Something that was waiting to happen.

I'll see him Tuesday, I wonder how he's taking it.

I guess I've got too many religious jokes. So I'll go to the medical ones.


A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."

Indeed.

lol...wonder if anyone ever did this for "fascinating" in Star Trek OS.


And, MG...it is a cruel cruel irony, indeed. I have a cold as well. I got it after spending 3 hours searching in the cold rain for MacTyger on Sunday after he got out of the house through a broken screen.

I also have poison ivy..which is no fun. I react badly to it. I think I might hold the record for getting it, too. I've had it as late as November and as early as March.

Do you know where I can get the scripts? Could be fascinating to do a language analysis

It's normal for me to catch a cold in the middle of a heatvawe in August

I tell ya that's no fun
Shaking with cold, and it's 30+ in the shade (if you find any)


How to avoid it: Don't stay up till 3 in the morning with all the windows open and nothing to wear

Comes August I've forgotten