Not a shellfish bone in your body

But wait... there's more

Well the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal. What sole.

Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna. Salmon Chanted Evening.
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers. Probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellowtail. And she's giving me the eye.
So I figured this is my chance for a little fun. You know, piece of Pisces.

But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure.
Boy, could she drink
She drank like a . . .
She drank a lot

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?' 'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?') 'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her. 'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.' 'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.' 'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman. 'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden. 'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.' 'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar on evening fair
And one could tell by how we walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to see, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes.
O lad I don't know where you been but I see you won first prize

25 signs you've grown up....

1) your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2) having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3) you keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4) 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed

5) you hear your favorite song... in an elevator.

6) you watch the weather channel.

7) your friends marry and divorce rather than "hook up" and "break up."

8) you go from 130 days of vacation to 14.

9) jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10) you're the one calling the police cause those %&*email hidden*# kids next door
won't turn down the $%&#^* stereo.

11) older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12) you don't know what time taco bell closes anymore.

13) your car insurance goes down, your car payment goes up.

14) you feed your dog science diet instead of mcdonald's leftovers.

15) sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16) you take naps.

17) dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18) eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severly upset, rather than settle your stomach.

19) you go to the drug store or ibuprofin and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20) a $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good poo."

21) you actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22) "i just can't drink the way i used to" replaces "i'm never going to drink that much again."

23) 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24) you drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25) when you find out your friend is pregnant you congradulate her instead of asking "oh poo, what the hell happened?"

Bonus:

26) you read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that didn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt!

I'm not old, I'm not old, I'm not old. I just turned 29, again..........and I'm teaching my 4 year old to sing songs recorded by the Ramones!

I've turned 29 so many times now, I forget how many it's been

I declare myself winner. DOES ANYONE CHALLENGE ME!??



lol

No, I think you’re right.


OH! You said winner not wiener.

CHALLENGE!!! Come here ya dumb ole boy!!

Hah!! I CHALLENGE YOU!!! I'm the winner - deal with it!!

Awww. She spontaneously combusted.

That's what you think!

*wrestles tygr to the ground*

HA!

Combust ...what!! I don't think so!! Come on ... come on! *Dancing around MacNymph and Tygr*

ACK! *Jumps on Kavi!*

*tickle tickle tickle tickle*

WHAO!!!

Purrrr ... huh, I mean ROOAARRR ...

* seriously snarling here ... *

Mine! I'm the winner!

AHHH! She's furouious! Run Away!

Hah!! Did I win ...? Looks like it! I'm the winner!

*does little happy dance, bounding around merrily*

Back for more are you? *getting ready for a scuffle*

Hiding in the shadows, lurking, waiting for you all to pick each other off, and I swoop in to claim the victory!

Never gonna happen!!

*stalking MacGyverGrrl*

Grrl hides under porch, hose primed and ready..............and if that fails, I know where I can get a great big snake.........

Eeek! Ahem ... I mean GRRRR...

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSss

*cringing in corner ... whimpering*
Ooops ... standing tall and strong ... not backing away ...

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs

Getting ready to pounce ...

You'd have to deal with me first!