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MacGyver Graduation Part 6, PG
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The True MacGyver
Posted: 30 March 2008 - 07:53 AM                                    
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DXS Operative
****

Posts: 342
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Gender:  Male
Country: U.S.
SAK owned: Explorer

Favorites
Season: season 1
Episode:Pilot
Vehicle: Jeep
Jacket:  Brown bomber
House:  House boat





The inventive two sprinted up the stairs, trying to catch Zito. Nothing was out of the ordinary. In fact, nothing was even different than when Mac entered. The pristine paint that covered his Nomad still sparkled under the morning sun.

Sam grinned and started to run towards it. Mac yelled “NO!!!!” as he desperately tried to outrun his son. Mac turned and put his hands on Sam’s worn shoulders. He tossed him away from the car and Mac frantically stumbled with him. A sound akin to a microwave ding resounded in Mac’s head. Mac fell to the ground and covered his head. An ear-splitting explosion followed shortly after the tone. Mac felt the impact of various twisted pieces of metal on the concrete. He turned to see Sam with a half-concerned, half-bewildered expression on his face. Mac noticed the absence of anymore clatters and stood up. He turned, hesitantly, and viewed his car. A smoldering hunk of busted undercarriage was about the only thing left. The rest was scattered liberally around the yard. Fenders were stuck in windows, tires spinning on the asphalt, and even a hubcap rolling into traffic. Mac leaned on his knees, in disbelief. He scratched his head and turned to Sam. He was still lying on the ground.

Mac said softly, “Sam.” No answer returned. “Sam?” He tried again to receive a similar answer. “SAM?!?!?!” He cried as he hoisted up his son. Sam still wore his odd expression. Mac snapped his fingers in front of him. His eyes tracked, but something was wrong. Mac rested his hand on Sam’s neck. A warm stream dripped down his hand. Mac pulled his hand back to see a crimson streak across the back of his hand. He turned to view the boy’s ears. Blood dripped out of the openings. Mac tried to exaggerate his lip movements for Sam to read them. “HOSPITAL!” he cried, his son completely unaware of his volume. Mac strolled to Sam’s bike and sat down. He gestured and Sam embraced his back. Mac revved the engine and the bike jumped to life. He steered into traffic and headed to the hospital where he rested only a day before. Mac looked back to monitor Sam’s condition. Sam had closed his eyes…


“Dad?” Sam said weakly under the bright lights. He looked up and saw his father leaning on a nearby chair, looking back at him.
“How are you doing, kiddo?”
“What? I can barely hear you!”
“That’s good. The blast was so sharp that it pierced an organ in your ear. We fixed it up and you should be fine. As soon as you get out of here I want you to stay with a friend of mine, okay?”
“Who? Jack?”
“No. Think of this person as an eccentric aunt…”

Please Comment and Rate.



A Dude's a Dude All Over the World - MacGyver

 
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ghostdoll
Posted: 31 March 2008 - 09:29 AM                                    
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DXS Agent
*****

Posts: 440
Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Gender:  Female
Country: Puerto Rico
SAK owned:

Favorites
Season: season 4
Episode:D.O.A. MacGyver
Vehicle: Jeep
Jacket:  Brown bomber
House:  House boat



Suggestion:

The inventive two sprinted up the stairs, trying to catch Zito. Nothing was out of the ordinary. In fact, nothing was even different than when Mac entered. The pristine paint that covered his Nomad still sparkled under the morning sun.

Sam grinned and started to run towards it.

Mac yelled, “NO!!!!” as he desperately tried to outrun his son.

Mac turned and put his hands on Sam’s worn shoulders. He tossed him away from the car and Mac frantically stumbled with him. A sound akin to a microwave ding resounded in Mac’s head. Mac fell to the ground and covered his head. An ear-splitting explosion followed shortly after the tone.

Mac felt the impact of various twisted pieces of metal on the concrete. He turned to see Sam with a half-concerned, half-bewildered expression on his face. Mac noticed the absence of anymore clatters and stood up. He turned, hesitantly, and viewed his car. A smoldering hunk of busted undercarriage was about the only thing left.

The rest was scattered liberally around the yard. Fenders were stuck in windows, tires spinning on the asphalt, and even a hubcap rolling into traffic. Mac leaned on his knees, in disbelief. He scratched his head and turned to Sam. He was still lying on the ground.

Mac called softly, “Sam.”

No answer returned.

“Sam?” He tried again to receive a similar answer.

Still no answer.

“SAM?!?!?!” He cried as he hoisted up his son.

Sam still wore his odd expression. Mac snapped his fingers in front of him. His eyes tracked, but something was wrong. Mac rested his hand on Sam’s neck. A warm stream dripped down his hand. Mac pulled his hand back to see a crimson streak across the back of his hand.

He turned to view the boy’s ears. Blood dripped out of the openings. Mac tried to exaggerate his lip movements for Sam to read them.

“HOSPITAL!” he cried, his son completely unaware of his volume.

Mac strolled to Sam’s bike and sat down. He gestured and Sam embraced his back. Mac revved the engine and the bike jumped to life. He steered into traffic and headed to the hospital where he rested only a day before. Mac looked back to monitor Sam’s condition. Sam had closed his eyes…


“Dad?” Sam said weakly under the bright lights.

He looked up and saw his father leaning on a nearby chair, looking back at him.

“How are you doing, kiddo?”

“What? I can barely hear you!”

“That’s good. The blast was so sharp that it pierced an organ in your ear. We fixed it up and you should be fine. As soon as you get out of here I want you to stay with a friend of mine, okay?”

“Who? Jack?”

“No. Think of this person as an eccentric aunt…”
~~~~~

I give you a 5! Lots of improvements. And enough plot to keep is in the edge of our seats



"Home. Enough is enough. I will not, under any circumstances, for any reason whatsoever answer the phone... probably... again." - MacGyver (S1-10: Target MacGyver)

 
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