30 Truths

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19. Procrastinate Now!
20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30. I smile! Because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Way I needed a good laugh early this morning.Thanks.I love 9,12,and 23.

These are wonderful, Rocky!

I'm taking this one to work with me today:

Oh yeah.

Love number 1. Its the reason why an old boyfriend was promoted to ex status.

In Hawai'i, a journey of ten thousand miles begins with a trip to the airport.

Funny.

I love number 6

and 23.

I totally agree with number 2, that's the way I act all the time. And I really really cracked up about the poor pig's life time commitment

I love this one....and my Smith and Wesson.

Here are a few more I saw recently:

Life is short. Make fun of it.

Dyslexics of the World, Untie!

Jesus is coming -- look busy!

I plan to live forever, or die trying.

These are great!

I actually have #23 as a sticker that I stick on people's cars that don't have a handicap placard or plate. (edit: and park in a handicapped parking spot.)

Well, those are definitely true. I've seen some of these before- some are pretty funny. And I've seen the "Jesus is Coming- Look Busy" thing on the "Johnny English" movie (Rowan Atkinson film).