[MacGirl]

At the Phoenix Foundation, the work went on. A few members of Stacey’s unit ran across a small mention in the paper about an antigay group that was suspected in a few assaults in the area recently. As for Stacey, she continued to go to work and do her bit, but when she wasn’t there, she felt empty inside. It felt as though someone had reached inside of her and squeezed her heart until it had burst. Now, sharp pieces of her heart were cutting her up, slowly killing her from the inside out. She hardly smiled or laughed anymore, she slept badly, having nightmares almost every night, and she was losing weight because she didn’t have much appetite. If the sun was shining, she didn’t notice. She almost felt as though she had lost her parents all over again. Erin had been the first real, close friend she had had in a very long time, and now she had been snatched away. Some days, she found it hard to decide if she wanted to go on living. Stacey felt as though she were to blame for Erin’s death; if only she had left home earlier, if only… She lost herself in her work, staying at the office for twelve hours a day, sometimes even more. Some nights, she didn’t go home at all, but napped on one of the couches in the break room, and took a quick shower the next morning before making herself some coffee, maybe grabbing a candy bar from the machine, and then going back to work.
Mac had noticed the dramatic change in his daughter. Sure, he had expected her to be grieving, but this seemed like something more. She had closed herself off, and hardly spoke to him. Nikki had said that Stacey didn’t say much to her either.
“I’m really worried,” Mac told Nikki and Pete one evening when they were all playing cards together, using special Braille cards that belonged to Pete. “I hardly see Stacey these days, and when I do, she looks like death warmed over. I can’t get through to her at all.”
“Neither can I,” added Nikki. “She’s really a mess, and I doubt she’s even doing her best work at the moment.”
“Maybe I should try,” offered Pete. “Maybe you two are a little too close to all this for her to be comfortable talking with you. I didn’t know Erin as well, plus, I wasn’t there when it happened.”
“Worth a shot,” answered Mac. “I just hope she doesn’t…” his voice trailed off, and his deep brown eyes became troubled. “Well, I think you know what I’m saying.”
Pete and Nikki both got his point immediately. Stacey was so deep in depression that it was very likely she might try to hurt herself. The thought chilled them. They had all urged her to speak to someone in the Employee Assistance Program and get some counseling, but she had refused. “When this is over, and we get the dirtbags who did this to Erin, then I’ll think about it,” she had said.

Chris’ friend John was really troubled by what he and the rest of the gang had done to Erin that night. Although they had all promised one another they would never tell, no matter what, John’s conscience was bothering him. Sure, being gay was condemned by his religion, but murder was condemned even more clearly. And he had heard that the girl they had attacked had died a few hours later, before she could even get to a hospital. What kind of “Christians” have I fallen in with? he wondered.
It had been a few years ago that he had run into them on the street, witnessing and recruiting. He had been just eighteen, right out of high school, and searching for meaning in his life. Their clear and simple theology had appealed to him, and he had fallen under their spell.
But it quickly became clear to him that they were little more than a cult. Even mainstream evangelical Christians were less strict. He was told that it was sinful to even hold a girl’s hand or kiss her, unless they were engaged. He was also told that they were the only ones who were going to heaven, that they had secret knowledge that would save them. Fairly quickly, it had seemed bogus, but he couldn’t leave. He had tried several times, and each time, the rest of the group had found him, shamed him, and told him in the most graphic terms that he would be condemned to hell if he didn’t “repent” and return immediately. Moreover, they were obsessed with gay people, and spent a lot of time railing against them. They had even boasted about a man they had killed the year before because he “looked gay.” They thought that if gay women were forced to have sex with men, that would “turn them straight,” and that had been their excuse for what they had done to this most recent victim. John suspected, based on things he had overheard, that she was not the only girl they had attacked like this. John had started to wonder whether their “religion” was just a cover to justify their hatred of gays. Plus, he was becoming more and more uncomfortable with the idea that gay people were somehow sinning or unnatural. He had known a few gay people himself, and they all seemed totally normal: they were all in committed relationships, including a lesbian couple that had been together for nearly fifteen years, and was raising two sons. By contrast, most of his straight friends who had been married when he had met them were now divorced. Also, all his gay friends had told him that they had always known they were like that, even when they were kids. How could God make them that way, then turn on them? he wondered.
John decided enough was enough. He had to get away, had to tell someone what he knew. He hadn’t wanted to rape the girl… Erin Cahill, he reminded himself… and had only pretended to do so. He had felt sorry for her the moment another of the men had pulled her into the car. She had been screaming for help. He would have run when they got to the warehouse, but Chris had pulled out a gun, and John had known that he wouldn’t have hesitated to use it.
He sat up on his bed and reached for the phone. I’ll probably go to jail for this, and I’ll deserve it, but at least my conscience will be clear. Shaking, he dialed the number of the police station, and asked to be put in touch with the detective in charge of the Erin Cahill murder case.

Stacey was at home, lying on her bed and staring at nothing. It had been hard to be at work that day… she had walked by Erin’s desk and sat down in the chair. Why, she wasn’t really sure. She just needed to feel close to her friend. Idly, she had started going through the drawers. Then she had found a locket on a chain that had been one of Erin’s favorite pieces of jewelry. Stacey had never known what was inside, but when she opened the locket, she found a picture of herself and Erin, smiling together. Instantly, she had broken down in a fresh flood of tears. Her supervisor had come along, seen the locket, and sent Stacey home for the rest of the day.
Her mind strayed to the bottle of over-the-counter sleeping pills she had picked up that day. It would so easy…
The phone rang. Stacey didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so she let the answering machine in the kitchen pick up. But she sat up when she heard the voice on the machine.
“Stacey, it’s Pete. I’m on my way over there right now, and I won’t leave until we talk. You’ve been avoiding all of us, and your dad and Nikki and I are all really worried. I really hope you’ll trust me with this. I’ll see you soon, dear.”
She groaned. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Pete, or her dad, or Nikki. But none of them, she thought, could possibly understand the hell she was in, much less help her out of it.

Pete sat in the back seat of the cab, feeling the sun on his face. He couldn’t see anymore at all, but he could picture the pain on Stacey’s face. Mac had agreed to stay at work late, to give Pete a chance to talk with Stacey, to try to get through to her. Pete wasn’t sure what he would say yet, but he’d think of something. He wasn’t sure he believed in God, but sent a prayer heavenward, just in case. If there’s anyone out there, help me. Someone’s life may depend on it. The cab stopped, and he paid the driver and got out. “Do you need a hand, sir?” the driver asked.
“No, thanks, I’m fine. I’ve been here many times and I know exactly where I’m going,” Pete answered. He set off down the dock to the houseboat and knocked on the door.

Stacey got up slowly and headed for the door. She knew it wouldn’t do any good to ignore Pete’s knocking; if he had to, he’d break down the door. That was both the best and worst thing about Pete, she thought. He was persistent, even more so than her dad. She knew some of what he and MacGyver had been through together.
She saw him waiting outside, and heaving a big sigh, reluctantly opened the door. “Hi, Pete. Come in, I guess.”
“Hi, Stacey. Look, I know you’ve been avoiding everyone. I know you’re hurting. You can’t go on like this. Believe me, I know from experience.” He stepped inside, and Stacey offered him her arm. He took it, and they slowly made their way over to the couch, where he sat down with a sigh.
“You want something to drink?” asked Stacey. “I need a glass of water.” She said this partly out of wanting to postpone the conversation, but she was also incredibly thirsty all of a sudden.
“Sure, that would be great.”
She filled two glasses and brought them over, handing one to Pete. “Thanks,” he said. They both took a long drink.
Pete set his glass down and turned to her. “I’m not sure where to start. I’m not a professional counselor, but maybe if you just start talking, that’ll get you where you need to go.”
So Stacey took a deep breath, and started talking. Once she started, she couldn’t stop. Everything came tumbling out: her feelings of guilt and powerlessness, how much she missed Erin and felt cheated, her anger at the people who had done it, and far more, things she hadn’t even realized she was feeling. She started to cry as she talked, and Pete reached out to put an arm around her. She turned and wept against his shirt, clinging to him as if for dear life.
“Why? Why Erin?” she sobbed. “Why didn’t she accept a ride home from us, or stay overnight? Why did she go that way to Nikki’s?”
Pete sighed. “Stacey, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that asking why these things happen does nothing except drive you crazy and make you feel worse. If it’s any consolation, Erin put up one hell of a fight, according to the medical examiner. There was a lot of skin under her nails, and she had defensive wounds on her hands and arms.” When Stacey looked at him, startled, he explained, “The autopsy results were just released late this afternoon. I managed to get someone to tell me about them before I left work.”
“What about me? How do I go on now? Before, I had a reason to run, to expose the Liberation Army to the world. But now? Pete, I feel like my heart will never heal. I've now lost not only my mom and dad, but my best friend. I don’t know if want to wake up tomorrow.”
She hadn’t meant to say that final sentence; it slipped out before she could hold it back. Pete’s face registered not shock, but deep sorrow.
“Stacey, please don’t even think of hurting yourself. It would destroy Mac, and Nikki, and me. Plus, you’re the one who’s really keeping Stephanie and her team going. They know that you’re the person who loved Erin enough to stand by her when her family turned her away, and they want to be able to give you peace of mind, if nothing else. They want to know that you know that the people who did this are going to be caught and punished. And Stephanie says they’re doing well. Things are starting to come together, and she has a funny hunch that someone in that group will crack and come forward. Stephanie’s funny hunches, by the way, usually turn out to be correct.
“Not only that,” he continued, as Stacey opened her mouth to say something. “Would Erin want you to give up? I didn’t know her nearly as well as you did, but I don’t think so. There is life after a loss like this. I know that, and so does your dad. After my divorce, I felt like my world had come to an end. It happened again when my son, Michael, got caught selling national security secrets to the highest bidder. And it happened yet again when I learned I was going blind.”
“What did you do?”
“I’m not sure. Some days, all I could do was force myself out of bed and put one foot in front of the other, make myself go to work and do what needed to be done. But you know, Stacey, when you break a bone, after it heals, it’s stronger in the spot where it was broken. Our hearts are like that, too. We become stronger in the broken places. One day, when you least expect it, you’ll be able to laugh again, and it’ll surprise you.”
“But what about now?”
He smiled wearily. “Just focus on getting through one day at a time, or just one hour at a time, if you have to. If it helps, imagine that Erin is walking beside you. What did she say to you when you were down or discouraged? Imagine her saying that to you now. And don’t shut us out. Nikki and I care a lot for you, and your dad loves you more than you will ever know. We’ve all, in our own ways, been to hell and back, and your dad has been there more than once, so you’re not alone on this road.” He paused, then added, “If you take this a day at a time, one day you’ll look back and you’ll be surprised at how far you’ve traveled.”
Stacey couldn’t think of any reply, but she started to feel, among the wreckage of her despair, a glimmer of hope. Pete’s wisdom was simple, but it made sense. As she leaned against his shoulder, she swore she could feel another presence in the room, and she knew exactly who was there.

[ghostdoll]

Good ol' Pete. He's the best

Thanks for sharing.