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The Watch / Rated R for gross and consistently bad language, nudity, sex, violence, a horrible script, bad acting, worse directing and a total lack of humor.
Other than the minor items listed above I liked it. I also like prickly heat rash and deeply ingrown toenails. What is wrong with these actors? At least three of the main stars including Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill should be able to pick and choose their projects. If they picked The Watch they must not have been allowed to read the script or have any prior knowledge of what this film was about.
If you have seen the preview you are probably a little confused. It looks like a buddy film where the boys team up to defend the neighborhood against crime. They end up fighting aliens and blowing up cows with alien super weapons. Does any of it seem to make any sense? Does it look funny? They live up to expectations. The film makes no sense and it is not even remotely humorous. They also very carefully cover up the gross nature of the language in the script, the pervasive gross sex scenes and the juvenile plotting. The reason they are covering these things is because they want to make money. Lots of money. And they no doubt realize they if people find out ahead of time, like you are because of what I am revealing to you, the nature of this insipid mess they won’t make any money.
The main blame has to lie with the writers. Three are credited. The first is Jared Stern. His prior credits include, get this, Mr. Poppers Penguins, as well as the Disney films The Princess and the Frog and Bolt. Also guilty with the ink are Seth Rogen, best known as an actor but whose credit include the terrific Green Hornet. The third listed on the screenplay credit is Evan Goldberg who is a cohort of Seth R. Besides the Green Hornet he also has worked on The Simpsons and the recent ice hockey film flop Goon.
Now you know. When these three team up to pen a screenplay and bring it to the screen check with me first. If you think I’m wrong go see The Watch. And remember I told you to watch out.
Rated 1.0 out of 4.0 reasons The Green Hornet this ain’t. The Goon maybe. WARNING do not take children below 16 to this film. Only take children over 16 if they are dimwitted.
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