All In The Past – Part Six

Thankfully that had been the last attendance Terry was required to make in court and the case had been concluded successfully a few days later. Despite the defence lawyer’s extremely polished performance, the jury had only required a few hours to come to their decision. The defendant was convicted of first degree murder and a life sentence had been passed against him.

That put all three mercenaries behind bars for a good length of time, long enough that Terry could breathe easily once more.

In spite of the Attorney General’s lack of decision regarding how to prosecute the case against Dickson, the final piece of that very nasty puzzle, Terry had been assured that they would only require a written deposition from her, which she had already provided shortly after her release from hospital.

With all her court appearances now behind her, Terry could finally start to pick up the pieces. She was free to get on with her life, however that may be.

For MacGyver on the other hand, nothing had changed, at least not from Pete Thornton’s point of view. Without a doubt, Mac’s heart was no longer in his work, and Pete knew exactly where it was. And the worst thing was he couldn’t blame MacGyver, after all he had been through in his life, and then with Terry, it wasn’t any wonder that he didn’t want to leave her for days at a time.

The only problem Pete had was that he had to figure out what to do about it. It seemed to him that Mac would find a position as technical adviser more suitable now, he could concentrate on his environmental projects and rarely need to travel outside the country. In fact, with technology improving as it was, a lot of his research work could be done via computer.

How he should broach the tricky subject with his friend was Pete’s main concern, but maybe he was about to get help in that area from an unexpected source. That morning Terry had telephoned his private number, asking to meet him.

Pete’s driver dropped him off at the coffee shop and he watched Terry cycle up and leave her bike locked up outside on the sidewalk.

She smiled brilliantly as always when she saw him. On the face of it, she seemed to be back to her old self, despite the fresh trauma of her court appearances. The bruises had finally faded and she had regained the weight she could not afford to lose.

Terry looked fitter and healthier than ever, mentally as well as physically, with her claustrophobia firmly back under control where it had been for years before recent events had provoked its resurgence.

Lately she had appeared happier than she’d ever been and it warmed Pete’s heart to see it, but as soon as Terry sat down and ordered her customary glass of milk, Pete could tell she had something on her mind, something of dreadful importance.

Since the night that Mac had gotten her out of the hospital, Terry had been struggling with a feeling that she was somehow betraying David. That by loving and sharing herself with MacGyver, she was being disloyal to her brother’s memory.

Terry knew that she was suffering a heightened level of guilt as a result of David’s death coinciding with finding herself in a rewarding relationship such that she had never before experienced, a level of happiness she had never felt with anyone else. The only person who had come close to sharing such joyful times had been her own brother.

Deep down, Terry suspected it was all purely psychological, but the growing need to do something to quell her nagging doubts had been strengthened ten-fold by the defence lawyer’s words in the courtroom.

In fact, having suffered none of the recurring nightmares for several weeks prior to the court case, Terry now found herself waking in a cold sweat almost nightly. And the presence of MacGyver sleeping by her side simply served to compound the guilt she felt over how much she had gained while her brother had died.

Now, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, Terry couldn’t help feeling that she was doing nothing but profiting from David’s death. And it was a feeling she could no longer withstand, no matter how much it might hurt to do something about it.

To make matters worse she already knew how MacGyver felt about her way of thinking and now he was talking about changing his job so that he would do less travelling and spend more time at home with her, never once imagining that she was thinking about spending a lot less time with him – possibly no time at all. That might be the only answer if she was ever going to get that tormenting monkey off her back.

In a last ditch attempt to find a less painful compromise, Terry decided that the only way to avoid deserting MacGyver altogether would be if he was still busy travelling all over the world with his job. That way the fact that they didn’t see nearly as much of each other might help assuage the guilt she felt every time they were together.

However, all attempts to directly persuade MacGyver to retain his troubleshooter job had failed. Now her only chance was to talk to his friend and mentor Pete Thornton.

Terry hesitated for a long moment before finally beginning to tell the older man what was on her mind, “Mac’s talking about changing jobs. He thinks he should move into some sort of an advisory position.”

“Good,” Pete responded with visible relief, “I think that would be a great move for him.”

“Would it?” Terry countered.

Pete peered at her curiously, “What do you mean?”

“Well the way I see it, MacGyver’s only considering it because of me.”

“Well, yes, but……”

“I don’t want him to feel obligated to change his job for my benefit,” Terry continued determinedly.

“But he wants to be with you, he doesn’t want to be off travelling the world any more,” Pete pointed out.

“I know that Pete, but I want Mac to be happy,” Terry said honestly. “And he wouldn’t be any happier trying to do what is essentially a desk job than I would be. Besides, what he does is important, right?”

Pete nodded guilelessly. “And he’s good at it?” Terry asked.

“The best!” Pete said proudly.

“Then he shouldn’t have to give it up because of me!”

“Terry you have to realise that MacGyver is only doing this because he wants to,” Pete patted her hand reassuringly.

“But I don’t want him to!” Terry insisted, at a loss for anything else she could say to convince this man without revealing the true reason for her objections.

“Have you told him that?”

“I tried, but I think his mind’s made up,” Terry admitted. “I was hoping you’d be able to help.”

Pete shook his head, “I don’t think I could even if I wanted to Terry. As far as Mac is concerned he’s been given a second chance to be with you and he’s not going to do anything to mess that up. You’re here and that’s all he needs to change his life.”

Terry gazed at him for a long time, a flicker of untold sadness crossing her face. Then she nodded acceptance for what she would have to do. Lately she’d had a lot of bad moments in her life, but the realisation of what she was going to do to the man she loved was right up there competing with the worst of them. And yet she had no options left, no other way out, except perhaps to do nothing and probably cause him even more pain in the long run.

Pete studied her, trying to understand what was going on behind those remarkable eyes. Finally he asked carefully, “Terry, is there something you’re not telling me? Some other reason why you feel this strongly?”

For a moment she looked like she was going to say something, then her eyes focused through the window to the street beyond and she shook her head, “No, Pete. It’s nothing.”

Turning to face him, Terry forced a smile onto her face and added, “Thanks, Pete, you’ve been a good friend.”

Pete Thornton watched her go, left to wonder how this conversation was going to affect the job change he had to discuss with MacGyver. Now, it seemed that if he waited long enough the problem would resolve itself.

Two days later Pete came to rue the day he’d ever had that thought. The problem of MacGyver’s job change had resolved itself, but not in any way the Director of Operations had expected. Instead of MacGyver coming to ask for a transfer from active field duty, he had turned up on Pete’s doorstep emotionally distraught and devastated.

“She’s gone,” Mac moaned before he even got through the door.

Pete frowned deeply, “What do you mean gone? Gone where?”

“I don’t know,” Mac slumped down on the sofa dejectedly, fishing his hand in the pocket of his leather jacket. “She left this,” he handed Pete a folded sheet of paper.

Pete went over to his desk to read the carefully handwritten note through his magnifying light.

Dear MacGyver,

I don’t think it’s fair for you to have to give up something you love for me, but I know that if I stay you’ll give up your job, and I don’t want to be the reason for that. What you do is too important for too many people and I can’t let you abandon them when I’ve been considering abandoning you.

I’m sorry, Mac, but I can’t stay in LA any longer. I need to get away from everything that reminds me of what happened to David, and that includes you. I need time to get my own feelings straightened out and I have to get my own life back. I can’t live off what David left behind any longer. And I can’t be happy loving you, when all the while I feel like I’m betraying him.

I never meant to hurt you, but by staying I’d probably end up hurting you even more, so I’ve taken a contract abroad and by the time you read this I’ll be out of the country.

I’m sorry I don’t have the courage to tell you face to face, but we’ve already said goodbye once and I don’t think I have the strength to repeat that.

Roadie and I will love you and miss you,

Always,

Terry.

“Oh God, Mac, I’m sorry,” Pete whispered hoarsely, “She told me she didn’t want you to give up your job, but I never expected this!”

“I have to talk to her one more time…….” MacGyver trailed off, new determination highlighting his face, “I can find her, Pete.”

“I know you can, Mac,” Pete replied softly, “But don’t you think if she wanted to be found, she wouldn’t have left like this? Maybe you should respect Terry’s wishes and give her time to sort things out for her own peace of mind?”

“So what are you suggesting I do? Just give up and forget about her? Hope that maybe someday she’ll come back? How Pete? How am I supposed to do that?” MacGyver wiped a hand over his face.

“I don’t know, Mac,” Pete said softly. “I really don’t.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“So what happened after Terry left?” Sam asked curiously.

Pete sat forward in his comfortable armchair and lifted his head in the direction of Sam’s voice, drawing himself away from his memories. “Quite a lot, actually!” he smiled slightly.

“When I got into the office the next morning, there was a letter waiting for me from David Fleming’s lawyer. Apparently, Terry had finally been to see him. She’d given him various instructions to carry out once she was gone. For a start, he was to have all her belongings placed in storage so he could rent out David’s home. The proceeds from which would go towards paying the mortgage and the general upkeep of the property, with the lawyer acting as landlord.”

“The money from David’s life insurance was to be invested ad infinitum, presumably until Terry found a use for it.” Pete sat back in the chair and shrugged, “I can’t help wondering whether she ever did.”

“But the icing on the cake was what Terry decided to do with the money made from David’s discoveries while working for the DXS. Somehow he had obtained agreement from the DXS that he would keep the rights to all intellectual property. Terry didn’t want anything to do with that money, so she instructed the lawyer to set up a charitable fund in David’s name, run in conjunction with the Phoenix Foundation, to help orphaned children worldwide.”

“Wow! That’s some gesture,” Sam said admiringly.

Pete smiled at him, “The fund still exists today. At the last count over three million dollars had been distributed to various children’s aid groups around the world. I never met David, but from what I heard about him, I think that’s exactly where he would have wanted the money to go.”

“But what about Dad?” Sam frowned. “What did he do?”

“Your father used up about six years worth of accrued vacation time trying to track down Terry. You know MacGyver, he’s not one to give up without a fight. All he wanted was one last chance to talk to her, a chance to convince her to come back, or a chance to say goodbye. He needed that before he would ever be able to let go.”

“And did he get that chance?”

“No he didn’t,” Pete admitted sadly. “Mac managed to trace Terry’s passage hopping across several continents by obscure modes of transport. He tracked her as far as Jeddah in the Middle East, where he found out she was working on a bridge building contract. But twenty four hours before he arrived at the site she disappeared without a trace.”

Pete gestured frustratedly, “Somehow Terry must have gotten wind of Mac closing in on her. Maybe she sensed it. Or maybe she had friends in the immigration department. Who knows! But the fact that she deliberately fled in order to avoid seeing him ended your father’s resolve. Not only had he failed to find her, but he now knew without a doubt that she didn’t even want him to look.”

“It’s rare that MacGyver has to admit defeat in such a way, and I can’t say it’s something I ever want to see him go through again.” Pete wiped a palm over his face as though brushing away the haunting image. “When Mac came home he immersed himself in work, night and day for over six months. He was like a man possessed.”

“And then you came along and changed his life!” Pete concluded, proudly recalling that first encounter with the son MacGyver never knew he had, and all that they had shared in the years since that fateful day.

Sam grinned at his own memories. Then a thought occurred to him, “You know if Terry hadn’t left, Dad would have changed his job and he and I would never have met!”

“And you’d probably be doing a life sentence in jail for the murder of Chung,” Pete pointed out gently.

Sam flushed red at the memory of his impetuous intentions to extract a bloody revenge on the man who had murdered his mother. Thankfully MacGyver had convinced him otherwise.

“I’d say you’ve got a lot to thank Terry for,” Pete declared. “You know, it’s a pity you two never got to meet, I’m sure you’d have liked her. Terry was,” he faltered, trying to put his warm feelings into words, “Well, she was special, like your father. They were made for each other. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t been so honest, telling her how good MacGyver was at his job!”

“I still don’t understand why she left,” Sam said with a frown.

“Terry lost and gained so much in such a short period of time that I don’t think she knew how to cope with it all. She needed time to get over the death of her brother, her last living relative, and she needed to find her feet in the world again after the trauma she had been through herself. Terry decided she couldn’t do that all the time she was constantly surrounded by things that reminded her of what had happened. And that included your father!”

Pete sighed, finding himself dredging through all the possible reasons he had pondered over, years before. “I think a part of her realised that the happiness she felt with MacGyver was preventing her from dealing with the grief she felt over her brother.”

He shrugged, “Either way, Terry knew she needed to leave LA, and she didn’t want MacGyver to go with her. She also knew that your father was responsible for helping and saving people and she didn’t want to stop him from doing that.”

Pete paused, his thoughts distant, “I think she figured that sacrificing her own happiness was the only way she could ensure the future happiness of countless other people, as well as laying her own demons to rest. I couldn’t blame Terry for what she did, she really was trying to find the least painful option, both for her and for MacGyver. If she had stayed, feeling the way she did, things would have become bitter between them.”

“But what about what it did to Dad?”

“Sometimes there are no easy answers, Sam,” Pete sighed, “Just a series of impossibly hard ones to choose from. For a start, Terry knew your father would be miserable doing essentially a desk job working as an adviser.”

“She got that right,” Sam muttered. “Guess she knew him pretty well considering how short a time they were together.”

“Terry knew that either way Mac would be unhappy. I think she hoped he’d get over her leaving and immerse himself in the job he loved. If only she had realised the effect not telling him to his face would have on MacGyver,” Pete said quietly. “He’s lost so many people without ever being able to say goodbye. He really needed closure with Terry, even if only for his own peace of mind.”

“And I think he still does,” Sam agreed. “I think it’s stopping Dad from moving on, from ever taking the next step in another relationship.” The young man shook his head, “Maybe it’s my fault, I don’t honestly know, but whatever prompted this new round of nightmares that Dad’s been suffering, I don’t think they’ll stop unless he finds a way to lay the past to rest.”

Sam hesitated, before adding hopefully, “Pete, do you know what happened to Terry?”

Pete grimaced unhappily, “We never heard from her again. I don’t even know if she’s still alive.”

“God I hope so,” Sam said determinedly. Pete was right on all counts. Sam had a lot to thank Terry for and he wanted to be able to do that face to face. And maybe he was meddling where he shouldn’t, but right now Sam would do anything to help his father lay the past to rest and get on with his future. Besides, if Sam couldn’t find his own true love, maybe he could at least help his father figure out where his was!

~~~~~~~~~~

MacGyver was exhausted. It seemed that the longer he worked in his current role at the Phoenix Foundation the more useless he became. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually helped anyone, he was so bogged down in political manoeuvring and intrigue. The more helpless he felt, the more tired he became, and now he was suffering all those nightmares again, as if he needed the added stress.

Until recently, he hadn’t dreamed of her in years, but ever since that argument with Sam, it just seemed like the memories were plaguing him. He couldn’t understand it, surely he’d been over her long ago, why now of all times was her image so often floating into view?

MacGyver threw his keys down on the table and played back the messages on his answering machine. The only one of note came from his son, “Hey Dad. Change of plans for tonight. We’re going out with Pete, instead of us coming to your place. I’ll pick you up at eight.”

Mac groaned. He hadn’t been looking forward to Pete and Sam coming over in the first place tonight, he was simply too exhausted for company, but now, instead of a nice casual takeout and maybe a video, they were going out! He sighed, about to call Sam to cancel when he glanced at his watch and realised it was too late. It was 7:50pm, Sam would already be on his way. Mac had just enough time for a quick shower and that was about it.

Besides, when was the last time Sam and Pete took no for an answer? Sometimes he felt like they were ganging up on him! With another irritable groan he headed for the shower.

Ten steamy minutes later, MacGyver at least felt a little more up to facing the outside world again. He was just towelling his hair dry when Sam poked his head around the bedroom door.

“Hi Pop!” he grinned.

“Sam, I wish you wouldn’t call me that. I feel old enough without your help!” Mac chided, smiling despite himself. He sensed Sam had been making an extra effort ever since their argument two weeks before, although he still wasn’t sure what had changed Sam’s attitude so suddenly.

“Sorry Dad,” Sam said sheepishly. Then he added eagerly, “You ready yet? Wear that blue shirt of yours, it will look good with those black jeans!”

MacGyver stared at him. “Since when do you care how your old man dresses?”

Sam smiled innocently. “I just thought you’d wanna look good for your adoring son, that’s all!” Laughing, he ducked out of the room, just in time to avoid the damp towel Mac threw at him.

Five minutes later they were on the road in Sam’s Jeep. “Where’re we going?” MacGyver asked curiously as they turned onto the coast road.

“We’ve got to pick Pete up, he’s at a friend’s house,” Sam explained lightly, grinning to himself.

A quarter of an hour later, they arrived at a secluded two storey house overlooking the ocean. Sam pulled on the parking brake and turned to Mac. “Do you want to go and get him?” he suggested.

MacGyver nodded, exiting the vehicle and walking up the path to the front door. There was a doorbell, which he rang and stepped back to wait, curious to know whose house it was.

A dog barked off to his right and Mac turned to see a black nose pushing through a wrought iron gate. Then he heard a familiar voice call his name, “MacGyver, is that you?”

“Yeah, Pete!” He moved towards the gate, closer to the voice.

“Come around the side. It’s unlocked!”

Mac lifted the latch and gently nudged open the gate, putting his leg in the way to stop the excited dog from escaping. Squeezing through the gap, Mac pushed the gate closed behind him and bent down to pet the friendly dog who was now sniffing and licking Mac’s leather sneakers.

“Hey boy,” MacGyver’s voice trailed off as he got his first good look at the dog, old memories pushing to the fore with breathtaking impact. He swallowed hard and scrubbed a hand through the furry white muzzle. “I used to know a dog that looked just like you!” he said softly, almost to himself, “Maybe you’re even related.”

Wagging its tail, the dog barked happily as if in agreement, and MacGyver smiled in surprise. Then he stood up and looked around, heading towards a set of sliding doors which were open to the warm evening sunshine. Enchanting music was coming from somewhere in the room beyond.

“Pete?” Mac called hesitantly, stepping inside and removing his sunglasses as the music stopped. Blinking his eyes to adjust to the sunlit room, he was startled by the voice almost beside him.

“Yeah Mac, I’m here,” Pete said from a comfortable armchair positioned just inside the doors in the warmth of the sun. “I want you to meet somebody.” He gestured in the direction of a baby grand piano in the far corner of the room, where it could not be reached by the sun’s damaging rays.

Mac saw a slender woman sitting at the piano stool, her delicate fingers still poised over the keys where she had just stopped playing. For a moment he was hit by such an intense feeling of deja vu, he could barely breathe. Then the woman stood and turned to face him nervously, and his heart stopped beating altogether.

“Terry?” MacGyver managed in a strangled voice, blinking reflexively as if to clear his vision of an apparition. The woman nodded, gazing at him with eyes that he knew were green brown and achingly beautiful even though he was too far away to see them properly.

For a long moment, they simply stared at each other. Then Pete coughed, “Well, I think we’ll leave you two alone. Mac?” Pete turned his head in the general direction of his friend, “Sam and I think you need to talk to Terry, and I’m sure you’ve both got a lot of catching up to do, right Sam?”

“Yeah Pete.” Sam stepped forward from where he’d surreptitiously followed his father into the backyard. “Hi Terry,” he lifted his hand in a friendly wave.

“Hey Sam,” Terry responded with a distracted smile, her eyes barely leaving MacGyver.

Mac gaped from one to the other. “You know each other?”

“We met yesterday, Dad,” Sam said simply, moving across to Pete’s chair and taking his hand. Placing it in the crook of his elbow, Sam helped Pete up and guided him from the room.

“See you later, Mac,” Pete called over his shoulder. “Bye Terry. Thanks for playing for me.”

“Any time, Pete,” Terry smiled gently.

“Yeah, bye Terry. Bye Dad. Give me a call if you want me to come and pick you up!” Sam chuckled to himself, almost tripping over the excited dog that was trying to lick his shoes. “Look out Roadie, or you’ll get squelched just like in the cartoon!”

MacGyver watched them go in utter astonishment, then he turned back to Terry, “Roadie?”

Terry nodded shyly, her hands automatically reaching for the chain around her neck in a nervous gesture, her slim fingers finding every familiar curve of the heart shaped pendant.

“You’re still wearing it,” Mac said in wonder when he recognised the item.

“Never stopped,” Terry admitted awkwardly.

“Couldn’t dump it as easily as you dumped me then!” Mac responded bitterly, astounded that he was even having this conversation. A conversation he must have played out in his mind a million times all those years ago, every time he had wondered what if they just happened to bump into each other again, somewhere, some place. Yet somehow he had never pictured it to go quite this way. He shook his head, “I’m sorry.”

“Why? You’re only saying what you really think,” Terry said quietly.

“No I’m not, I’m just lashing out for no reason. That was almost nine years ago for God’s sake! It’s not like it matters anymore!” MacGyver rubbed a palm over his face and sighed heavily, “I don’t even know what I’m doing here!” He gestured frustratedly towards the sliding doors through which Sam and Pete had exited, “How?”

“Sam tracked me down,” Terry explained, still not sure what to make of it herself. “Yesterday he just turned up on the doorstep out of the blue, claiming to be your son.”

“And you just let him in?” MacGyver exclaimed hotly, unsure why he felt so angry after all this time. Or why he even felt anything after nine years apart.

“Well it wasn’t difficult to see he was telling the truth. He’s got your looks,” Terry replied, her even tone belying the butterflies in her stomach.

It was hard to believe the effect Mac’s presence was having on her after all this time. But in nine years he had hardly changed. He looked almost like he had the day they met. Granted, a few more lines etched his face, and she could detect signs of grey in his unruly blond hair. But he even looked as exhausted and vulnerable as he had that day, and the memories of their first encounter set her heart racing in a manner she had never expected.

“Sam’s about as devastatingly handsome as his father, I’d say!” Terry blushed slightly, surprised by her own honesty. Then she smiled, remembering her shock when she had opened the door to find someone who so reminded her of something she’d lost so long ago. “Apparently that’s not the only trait he shares. Your son’s a bit of a charmer and he likes to help people in need. He seems to think we fall into that category.”

“And do we?” MacGyver asked curiously, wondering what she could possibly be feeling after all these years, until he realised that perhaps she would be feeling as mixed-up as he was.

Terry shrugged, unsure of what to say after all this time. She didn’t know whether the twenty four hours notice she’d had was an advantage or not. Since Sam’s visit, she had spent every waking moment worrying herself sick over what might happen, especially since MacGyver was not being brought to see her of his own accord. In fact, given the choice, she suspected he would have refused.

But, out of it all, she now knew there was one thing she still needed – some form of closure between them. Nine years may have passed, but she felt the need to explain her actions face to face. To finally see it was over between them. And to find out whether Mac really hated her for what she had done to him, or whether he had been able to set it aside and forget about her the way she had hoped and prayed he would after she had left him.

That was all she wanted. Anything more would be unexpected, and unlikely. Quite possibly even unwanted, not only by her but probably also by him. Her life was contented and trouble free, which was more than she could say for their short time together nine years ago. Maybe it was something better not messed with.

Finally, she spoke again, “I looked for you.”

“When?” MacGyver asked in surprise.

“Three years ago, when I came home.” Terry gestured helplessly, “The Phoenix Foundation told me you and Pete no longer worked there. I must admit I was surprised.”

“I went travelling with Sam for five years,” Mac explained numbly.

“Yes, Sam told me,” Terry nodded, thinking back to the long conversation the previous day when she’d heard what she assumed was the censored version of what had happened to MacGyver, Sam and Pete in the last nine years. “Anyway, I tried Pete’s private line, but it had been disconnected. And your houseboat was gone.”

“It burned out,” Mac murmured sadly, he still missed his favourite home.

“I’m sorry, that was such a great houseboat,” Terry responded genuinely. “After that, I ran out of clues. Guess I’m not much of a detective…….”

“I’m not exactly listed in the phone book,” MacGyver said apologetically, gazing at her for a long moment and wondering what might have happened if she had been able to track him down three years earlier. Or, for that matter, if she hadn’t given him the slip in Jeddah almost six years before that.

He found it hard to believe how little Terry had changed in that time. Her hair was longer and even more sun streaked. She looked healthy and happy. Living beside the ocean was obviously doing her good.

Mac couldn’t help wondering if she still laughed as much as she used to, remembering how, after she’d left, he had longed to hear that sound one more time. How many times he had hoped he might hear her laughter when out shopping or walking on the beach. But he never had and eventually he had stopped listening for it, right about the same time that Sam had turned up in his life. So why was he wishing he could hear it again now?

“I couldn’t find you,” Terry said in a small voice. Her determination to avoid wondering ‘what if’ was dissolving rapidly now that she actually faced that brown eyed gaze and knew for sure just how much she had hurt him by leaving the way she had all those years ago. Somehow, she had thought nine years would make more of a difference to the way she felt, to the way they both felt.

It was almost impossible not to wish things had been different. But Terry knew she had been right to leave. It had been a long and lonely road, but at some point, quite unexpectedly, she had begun to smile again every time she thought of her brother. And she had finally found herself able to talk about him without breaking down into grief wracked sobs.

At some point she had realised that she was grieving for Mac instead, too late for her to return with expectations of doing anything more than hurting him again. So Terry had left the comfort of familiar work and warm surroundings and had gone to seek new challenges to occupy her mind and strengthen her soul.

That had worked, until three years ago, when something had happened to make her realise she would never be able to really immerse herself in a relationship with another man until she had closure with MacGyver.

So Terry had returned to LA to seek him out and, even though she found him long gone, she felt comfortable there. The familiar scenery no longer threatened her and it seemed like the closest place to a home she would ever have. So she had stayed.

Terry had sold David’s house, a place too full of memories for her to live in, and bought a home by the ocean, appreciating the view and the solitude, even if it did get a bit lonely sometimes. She had never had a wide circle of friends, her nomadic existence hardly lent itself to long term relationships. But she had a few close ties with workmates and occasionally an old school friend from back East had been to visit. And she had Roadie and her piano and she finally had a home.

Life was happy, except when she wondered what was missing. Just like she was right now as she studied the tall athletic figure standing before her, who looked about as bewildered and confused as she felt.

“I tried to find you!” Terry gestured helplessly and sat down hard on the piano stool, her legs suddenly weak.

“Well it doesn’t really matter anyway!” MacGyver felt his bitterness return with a vengeance. Seeing her again after all this time simply served to remind him of how bad he had felt when she’d left. “It’s not like it would have achieved anything! Not after what happened.”

“I was trying to do what was right for you as well as for me,” Terry said defensively.

Mac glared at her. “What was right for me was to come home every night to the woman I loved!” he exclaimed hotly. “Not to find a note to say that you’d gone and not even have the chance to persuade you to stay! All I wanted was the chance to talk to you one more time,” he murmured, suddenly deflated.

“I’m sorry!” Terry gulped audibly. The last thing she had ever wanted to do by seeing him again was to hurt him even more, but now she realised that ‘more’ was impossible when she had clearly hurt him so badly in the first place. “I really am sorry…….”

“Well maybe sorry isn’t enough!” MacGyver said flatly.

“Then what do you want me to say?”

“How should I know? I never thought I’d see you again!” Mac paused, breathing raggedly. Finally he looked away and added bleakly, “I think that’s the way it should stay.”

He brushed a hand over his eyes, then turned and left the room the way he’d arrived, glad that Roadie was too busy digging up the garden to try and follow him through the side exit.

MacGyver slammed the front gate with a metallic clang and stood in the driveway, his heart pounding. He leaned against the fence and fumbled with his sunglasses, pushing them onto his face to cover the tears in his eyes, relieved that Sam and Pete had already left, even if that did mean he’d have a long walk home.

For several minutes he paced outside the gate, trying to calm down, unsure why he didn’t simply start walking, and wondering why on earth he felt so strongly after nine years. Then he heard piano music, haunting melodic notes drifting on the still evening air, and he remembered the times he had heard such beauty before. Except they didn’t feel like the fond memories they ought to be by now, they felt more like a knife twisting in his gut.

“MacGyver, quit being so dramatic,” he berated aloud. Then he fell silent, recalling again the fact that nine years ago all he had wanted was the chance to talk to Terry one last time. Now he had that chance.

He should at least try to talk to her, to get those long buried issues off his chest once and for all. And Mac suddenly realised what Pete had meant when he had told him to talk to Terry.

Nine years on, it was still haunting him. He was still suffering from the nightmares. Maybe this was his chance to finally let go of the past and abandon it completely, the way Terry had abandoned him. Besides, he could hardly hurt any worse than he already did! And maybe somewhere along the way he would figure out just why it did still hurt so much after nine years!

Pete had realised what he needed and even Sam had figured it out somehow – and there were definitely a few questions he needed to ask his son later. But why else would Sam have gone to all the trouble to track down Terry if he didn’t believe it would help his father. As usual, it seemed like Mac was the last to know when it came to affairs of the heart – his heart.

With a last gasp of vented anger, MacGyver calmed himself, passed a shaky hand beneath his damp sunglasses and undid the latch of the gate once more.

~~~~~~~~~~

Terry’s hands froze on the piano keys when she heard Mac’s voice behind her. “Why did you leave?”

She swallowed convulsively, her words barely audible, “I wanted you to keep on helping people, the way that you’d helped me. You couldn’t do that if you took a desk job.”

“I would have found a way. You know I would!” MacGyver said indignantly, biting his lip to stop his anger from flaring up again. He drew a deep ragged breath and tried again, “Where did you go?”

“I wandered around for a while. I took a contract in Saudi for a couple of months to lay low. When I heard you were in Jeddah, I bailed out. I went to South East Asia, started using a different name and took some work in places like Thailand and the Philippines where they don’t exactly ask a lot of questions. Eventually, I came back to the States, collected Roadie from an old schoolfriend in Boston, and went to Canada. Calgary to be precise,” Terry explained quietly.

“But it’s cold in Calgary,” Mac said dumbfoundedly. “You hate the cold.”

“I know. I decided to fight fire with fire, so to speak,” she said softly. “I needed a change of scenery, a new life. I admit it almost broke me before I broke it, but I got there in the end. Even took up cross country skiing! Besides they’ve got a great hockey team!”

MacGyver didn’t say anything, he just stood and listened and watched the tension in her shoulders as she faced away from him, her hands still hovering over the piano keys, trembling slightly. Somehow her body language didn’t match her words.

“Why did you really leave?” he persisted.

Terry’s shoulders slumped as though beaten into submission by his simple question. “I was confused,” she whispered. “I was in love and I was grieving. I couldn’t reconcile the two.”

MacGyver frowned. “Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”

“I did! I tried!” Terry swivelled around to look at him accusingly. “You just kept telling me that David would want me to be happy! Well, I wasn’t happy!” she said hotly, her voice rising with a strength of emotion she hadn’t realised she still felt, “I was miserable! I missed David so much, it felt like I’d had a piece of my heart cut out and the other half was trying to do twice the job!”

Terry swallowed painfully, turning back to face the piano, unwilling to see the look in MacGyver’s eyes any longer. “I tried to tell you, but you weren’t listening,” she added bleakly.

“So, now it’s my fault?” Mac gasped.

“MacGyver, it’s nobody’s fault!” she cried exasperatedly, “I didn’t ask to fall in love with you. I didn’t ask to be beaten up, or abducted and poisoned! David didn’t ask for his work to become top of the wishlist for some bunch of ruthless mercenaries! And I’m damn sure you didn’t ask to have your heart broken by someone you trusted!” Terry’s voice hitched as the words caught in her throat.

She gulped hard, finishing flatly, “It just happened, MacGyver. Get over it, why don’t you!”

Mac looked stung. “I don’t think I can get over it,” he admitted softly. “I didn’t realise it until now, and I’m damned if I even know why, but I can’t get over it, Terry. I still love you. I think I always will!”

He stepped a little closer, regulating his voice to a level of reason, “For those few short months you were my best friend as well as my lover. You’re a part of me that I can’t detach without losing a part of myself, too. A part that I’m not sure I want to lose.”

“I tried to forget about you,” Terry whispered. “I almost got married! Then I realised I was living a lie and I’d just spent five years of my life pretending I was over you. That’s when I packed up and came home.”

“And you expected to just pick up where we left off?” Mac’s voice was hoarse with shock at the intensity of feelings he still had for her. He wanted so much just to sit down beside her on that piano stool and comfort her like he had so long ago. But he knew it wasn’t that easy.

“No,” Terry said huskily, her eyes lowered to her hands as they rested on the ivory keys. “I just wanted to know whether you’d forgiven me. And I needed to know that you were all right. At least that much I know now.” She smiled slightly, unaware that MacGyver had moved close enough to see her face, “Sam’s a pretty incredible person.”

“Yeah, it’s hard to believe his old man can be so dumb!” Mac said quietly, startling Terry with his closeness. She looked up in shock and he saw the tears staining her face, the true impact of her seeing him again after all these years.

“Why did you come back?” she asked hoarsely.

“I wanted to know what you were playing!” MacGyver said feebly, holding out his hand to her. Terry gazed at it for a long time, studying the long slim fingers that had aged but not changed, just like the rest of the man.

Mac watched her hesitation, his heart clenching painfully when he thought she would refuse. But finally she placed her slender hand in his and stood up, eyeing him with as nervous a look as he felt himself.

“It’s called Le Onde,” she said softly, lowering her gaze, “It’s Italian. It means…….”

“The waves!” Mac translated, smiling at the thought of something that matched the pianist so aptly.

He pulled her closer, a gentle tug that she could easily ignore, but after a moment she stepped towards him, her eyes still downcast guiltily. MacGyver touched a finger to her chin, tilting her face up, hating the way she wouldn’t look at him. Tears caught in her lowered lashes, spilling down her cheeks as he tipped her head towards him.

“Terry,” he whispered softly, “Hey?” He stroked her cheek with his fingertip, tracing the line of damp tears to her jaw. “Terry?” Finally, she raised her watery gaze to meet him, chewing her lip nervously as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her.

MacGyver looked into her green brown eyes and could no longer breathe, hit by the impact of her stunning gaze harder than he could ever recall. Fleeting images flashed through his mind, memories of every emotion he’d ever felt with her. His first sight of her bruised face. The moment he had thought she’d been killed. When she first awoke in the hospital. And the day he had come home to find her gone.

But, above all, Mac remembered the first time he had ever looked into those eyes, when he had been woken up on the sofa in his houseboat, and his stomach flipped the way it had back then.

Unable to resist, MacGyver leaned in and pressed his lips to hers in the softest of kisses, a whisper of breath that surprised them both with the intensity of feelings it evoked. He cupped his hand against her cheek and Terry leaned against his tender touch languidly, her eyes closed, a tiny sigh escaping her slightly parted lips before he covered them again.

Mac’s mouth pressed against hers, probing and testing her response as his arm slowly drifted around her back, enfolding her into his warm embrace.

When their lips finally parted, he gazed down at her, seeking further signs of encouragement. “Why don’t we just take it one step at a time? Like when we first met,” he suggested tentatively.

Terry blinked at him wordlessly, a hint of hope brightening her expression.

“Let’s just see where it takes us, shall we?” Mac added softly.

Terry nodded weakly, unable to speak as memories flooded her senses in a chaotic turmoil, images of all that had passed between them nine years before. One vision stood out clearly above all else. A handsome man with sleep mussed hair, focusing his soft brown eyes upon her, a pink tinge to his bashful face and a gentle smile that set her heart racing erratically.

With a reflective smile, Terry nodded again, more convincingly this time.

Mac let out a relieved breath, then he cocked his head to one side and grinned, “So…….you got any windows we can break?”

The welcome sound of Terry’s irrepressible laughter was more than he could have wished for, and MacGyver’s face lit up happily, a broad smile dimpling his cheeks. Feeling a weight lift from his shoulders, he relaxed at last, hugging Terry even closer and holding her like he’d never let go. And this time he hoped he never would.

~~~~~~~~~~